where is this sun you speak of?

Ma -- I finally rode a Ferris Wheel. It was fun! I was with Ate Aling and we were shouting crazily. It was such a happy experience. I remember the day when you never allowed me to ride on it because you're afraid something bad will happen to me since I was just 6 years old then. I was there standing with you while watching Ate Aling enjoying the ride. I remember I almost cried but you bought cotton candy for me so I was happy again. But whenever I pass by amusement parks, I always look for the Ferris Wheel and remember that moment. While waiting in the line with Ate Aling I was thinking of you. I hope you're proud of me, Ma! I miss you! I love you! Always Thinking Of You, Debie :)

I never let any day pass without thinking what I could've been at present if my parents didn't leave us behind. Could I be a spoiled brat? or could I be just the same as what I am now? I'm proud to say that I had overcome my greatest fear so far. It was difficult to strive for happiness when you don't have any reason to be happy about. To see your parents in pain, would you still choose to go out with your friends? Imagine those times when I never really get to spend time with my friends because I chose to be with Mama and Papa. During those years, I never left my parents alone, physically and spiritually. Especially my Mama. She never left me whenever I'm sick. She cooks something for me just to feel okay. In return, I did the same. Though it may not be enough but I know that she knows that I gave my best shot. I envy other people, who are with the same age as me, because they still have their parents. Papa left when I was 14 and two years later, it was Mama...

I had never let go of opportunities to know new people who unexpectedly stayed for a long period of time. The people who stayed with me were very special. Though it didn't work out, the memories are still there. Each of them were unique but the same. I am not trying to erase the memories because I can never do that. Honestly, I tried but I failed. You can never really escape the past. So I taught myself to retain those memories and learn from those experiences instead. I admit I miss everyone but I guess I should not hold on with those feelings. But if ever I'm going to meet one of them again, I would try to be open to the opportunity to rebuild the relationship. There is always a second chance in every failure.

"Nothing has changed." -- I always say this whenever someone asks me how's my life lately. I make believe that there's nothing really changed ever since. I am still the same Debie as before. My dreams keep on changing maybe that is why I act differently and speak what I believe. In reality, I am stuck with things I never dreamed of. I never got the chance to reach my dreams and even if there were chances, I didn't grab it cos I was too afraid of sacrifices and some people became hindrance most of the time. That sometimes I hate them to the point of blaming them too much. Maybe I just dream a lot. Maybe my dreams are too high for me to reach. Maybe I should quit dreaming and start facing the reality as what it is. But what is living without having a dream? Is dreaming good? Is reality good?

Here is a man who has been selling taho for years now. I have been buying his taho every time I wake up from afternoon nap. He sits beside me in the jeepney going to school. He dropped-off a block near my school. Maybe he stays there in the morning and goes to the village where I live in the afternoon. I'm sure he doesn't know me but I have a lot of things to say about him. Here it goes. If you look at him, you could feel how tired he is from working everyday by walking along the streets selling one of the best afternoon snacks, for me, at least -- taho. He works for his survival or maybe his family's survival. And I can say that, he really works hard. He has been journeying along City's streets for a long time now. He has seen the same things everyday that if you'll ask him how the community is, he might answer and describe it more accurately than our leaders today. He could be a better leader if there's a chance. Every "Tahoooo!", every ste...

"The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old but his blood runs through my instruments and the song is in my soul. My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band." This is another midnight when I am supposed to go to bed. The radio never failed to play music which makes me feel nostalgic. As time goes by, I am missing a lot of my parents and I dream of them, too! Memories keep on running in my head every time I go to bed. Then I cry myself to sleep. But it's a good cry. This time shadows of trees moving on my wall entertain me and I began to appreciate its beauty and existence. In every movement, I can see events from the past. I don't have any idea why it reminds me of the past. It makes me cry sometimes.

I just got my new Holga Baby Toy yesterday. (Thank you, Jennie!) And along with the package are 2 110 Fuji films. I am excited to use it and see the results! So far I've only taken 1 shot this morning at school. This is my first attempt in Lomography. I am going to call this thing "Holga" from the name itself. (Yes, I am fond of giving names to my favorite stuff :P) Looking forward to a wonderful and exciting moments with you, Holga! <3 Should I go out and waste my two rolls of film now? ;)