where is this sun you speak of?

At one point in my life, I became a drama queen. There were nights when I just cry buckets of tears without any specific reason at all. I cry because life in general gets so complicated that I couldn't find a way where to go. It seems like everything just shut down, leaving me hopeless. The only thing that makes me calm is the thought of buying myself cupcakes after a good cry. It helped. Somehow. It went on and on until I realized that maybe it's time to change how I see things. I forced myself and took the risk. At first, I was afraid of taking the risk. What if it's all wrong? Surprisingly, I gathered everything I have and I feel stronger and somehow stable. It feels good. Having to stand for yourself does you good. Plus, it makes you feel good. It's good to know your worth. And surely you are worthy of all the good things and a little of bad things, too. Because life is a share of good and bad. It depends on how you see and react to things. Life isn't goin...

At 20, I thought that life will be easier to live; that I have experienced enough to face problems on my own. I thought all my choices are going to be all right. I thought that I can do everything I want because I am technically not a teenager anymore; no one could stop me from all my choices . So I spent days outside the city mostly, going to other places within the region, going to friends' houses and eat/drink a lot, many nights were spent at the beach and many days ended up not able to talk because I drank too much alcohol. It was fun. Everything were all  I ever wanted. I planned summer outings and even regular days and nights whenever there are no classes or there's a holiday. I enjoyed everything I did. I loved every single bit of it . It was perfect. At 21, I admit that I was undecided but just fine. I was puzzled and suddenly I became focused on other things. It was a year of realizations for me. Realizations on life in general and then going through each bit of ...

Love. It's not solely about having someone to romanticize with rather  something that I know I will forever cherish. It doesn't mean I can't love someone for a long time, though. I could and we could do something that he might love, too. It could be anything that makes you feel good. Such as songs that keep you sane; television series that take away your stress; books that help you escape from reality; or movies that you still love no matter how many times you've watched them. It could be watching the sunrise. To feel the sunlight on your skin which reminds you that you are alive and you are capable of laughing among all other things. Or it could be watching the sunset. To remind you to slow down because tomorrow's going to be another day. To remind you to take a rest because being alive doesn't always mean to take actions of everything and finish everything in a day. You have to rest for it has been a productive one. It could be being with fr...

Not all things are possible but there exist miracles. They may make the impossible possible but it doesn't usually last longer. But I was glad I met that miracle one day in the hospital. I was young when my Papa died. I was too young to actually take care of him. My other siblings and Mama were the ones who actually took care of him. I remember visiting him in the hospital to send medicines and food. And when he was already home, I was the one who gave him his medicines by following what was written on the schedule made by my sister who was a nurse. By that, I am very sure I have done my part on taking care of him in my own little ways.  Two years later, Mama died. But before that day, I remember the first, second and third times I thought she'll leave us. I was there on those tough times. I thought that if I took part on taking care of Papa, I would do much better for Mama as I am two years older. On the first attempt, she slipped on the floor while cooking for lunch ...

Like a ferris wheel ride, life takes a journey filled with thrill, surprises, and adventure. You sit still and brace yourself for the unknown for you will never know what you'll see, and what you have imagined might not be what you will perceive. You can be alone, with a friend or a stranger. You can shout, laugh or stay still. Life then takes you to the highest point. Most of the time, the things that you focus on will become smaller but larger as you go upward -- you see things in a larger scope. The larger it becomes, the more you have to widen your knowledge, the more you understand them as a whole. The higher you go, the more you feel responsible enough for your self. But it goes down naturally. You can't command it to stay on top. It goes down as how it must be. This time you become familiar with the things that you've seen. That you sometimes forget about their worth -- how they excite you, thrill you, feel to you. You become less appreciative than before. The lowe...

There is a point in our life where we get so depressed that we find ourselves drowning in the ocean and could never go back up on the surface. Most of the time, we choose to drown because we think that the waves are too strong and too big for us to survive. But if you are a lover of life, you will strive for survival because you know that the waves don't intentionally drown you but rather let you ride on them and take you to where you can swim back to the shore. At this point, I am neither happy nor sad. But I tell you, at this point in time, I could not figure out what to do with life. Like, the entirety of it. Because I am not quite sure where to go and where to put myself. I am trapped in a place where I love staying in ever since but I often find myself struggling to get away from it thinking that maybe there are other places waiting for me to discover -- and maybe, my soul would be more at peace when I am there. This is when I end up daydreaming: I need to be in Finlan...

We often think our dreams are too wild that it is impossible to let it happen; that it is better off inside our head because it is too good to be true and because we think it is impossible in the first place, there's a chance we wouldn't reach that dream at all. It may seem kind of a blur at first but when you really work out on it, you will get what you have dreamed of. Sometimes it may not be what you wanted in the first place. It could be a new output or a different kind but when you know you've done enough and you're happy with what you've got, you know it is something to be proud of. The hardest part in life is working on what you really want because oftentimes the world gives us difficult challenges to get a prize, which is your dream. It just needs a little push, stretch and determination to get whatever you want.

We all have big dreams.  For sure we want to be somebody someday. As for me, I want to be an engineer. That is the biggest dream so far. And I just realized, I am on my way there but not too soon. You see, I've been spending years in college and I never really can't see myself working as an engineer but I want it; I want to be an engineer someday. This one's a tough road for me but I'm never giving up. I can't tell if I am going to be very successful once I finish it but I know it is something to be proud of. Though I might be spending some years more but I really don't care. Because this is it. This is my life. My life doesn't start once I graduate though it may be a little different, and more challenging, I guess. What I hate about where I am is that people seem to look at me as a loser for not achieving anything. They start comparing me with other people and make me feel really bad about myself. Sure, they have lots of achievements to brag and th...

Somebody wrote: The mark of being in your early-to-mid 20′s is confusion. It starts with haphazardly being thrown into a life phase where you actually have to be responsible for yourself and your decisions. There’s the overwhelming pressure to get a great job, to succeed, to be wealthy, to go out into the world and be Somebody. Exactly the same way I'm feeling right now. After all I'm 21 and just like what the writer said: I am bound to a world of confusion. I am lucky, though, that I have siblings to help me with life decisions but then it's me who will have to varnish everything. At this moment, it seems like I am given a problem and the only way to live this life happily is to solve that problem using different math solutions given that the problem is a math equation. Funny that I thought of that. But yes, real-life problems are like math equations. At first you wouldn't know what to do so you have to think for a solution. Then you realize and analyze things. Th...

I have always wanted to participate in Date A Girl series but I am always out of ideas. This time I will try to write something and if it comes out nice then you're probably reading this. :p Date a girl who goes on adventures. Date a girl who likes cheap adventures . She is not a fan of well-developed beaches and resorts. She may be afraid to go to secret places but is always game to try new challenges. She can build a tent, make a bonfire, and eat marshmallows with you. She wants to spend more time with someone she loves in a nature setting, rather than in places where mostly young couples want to be.  Date a girl who can bring you to the top of a mountain. She is always thrilled on climbing a mountain to view the whole city. That means she is a girl who has dreams and works on her dreams with pure strength and determination. And she knows that she will get to the top because she stands firmly on her visions. She has a positive attitude and motivation. She will sh...

21 is the age of a girl who is, most likely, has a lot of concrete dreams, and working hard for her dreams to be achieved. A girl who has read a lot of books (but this doesn't seem to fit for everybody so you can crash it out). A girl who has broken a lot of hearts, and had her heart broken twice as much. A girl who is strong to face whatever challenge she may face ahead. I am 21. And my dreams aren't concrete. I am even shy to tell these dreams so they're just encircling(?) inside my head all the time --mostly during idle time at school or home. As I would like to achieve all of them one by one, I don't have any clue where to start or what to do. I can't consider myself as a girl who has read a lot of books but if you consider college books then I might be a bookworm (but not really). My heart has broken a lot of times. Almost everyday. But it's not a big deal since I have a short attention span so I can divert myself to other things and leav...

You see, when you reach 20 you realize some things (and those things, I will leave that up to you). But you know, there are times when you just sit in one corner on a Sunday afternoon and realize how time flies so fast that you feel like you just graduated high school yesterday. Funny that it has been 4 years since that happened but you can still remember the thrill, the feeling of being a high school student (you know, walking along the corridor just to take a glimpse of Mr. Cute Guy, staying in the canteen instead of listening to the teacher), of being sweet sixteen, going out late at night and being a fan girl for a band that plays your type of music, those days when you don't worry about school because you know you will pass all subjects.  It definitely isn't the same in college. This isn't a graduation speech, by the way, but it might be when I finish this shit. Just kidding. My teenage life was very much lively. I always break the rules but it didn't usually ...

There's something in the way I attach myself to people lately. Something that's been going on since I don't exactly know when. It's kind of annoying that I came to a point where I hated myself and slept all day. I wanted to be alone for a while but my friends were always there for me. Not that I don't want to be with them. The funny thing is, I feel like I cannot do things without their help. We all need other people's help. But the attachment I have told earlier is that, well, I don't know if it is healthy or not, but I attach myself very close to my friends that I cannot stand it when I am alone. I feel lonely when I am alone. I miss them so much that I just want to go to the beach and spend the night with them. Getting high, drink a lot, talk, dance, sing with them. Because in my mind, I know, we'll all gonna go to different paths one day and we'll miss each other. If I will to choose between high school and college, I will choose college. ...