Flowers for vases and other things

So I finished my isolation a few days ago and that made me happy. Although I may be an introvert, I missed being outside so much that I spent my afternoon yesterday outside away from people, mostly, just to change my environment. Yesterday was also when I heard the songs from Flowers for Vases album by Hayley Williams. She is just so talented and such a poet. Somehow the music, the lyrics, and the emotions around each song are just so beautiful. And even though most of them are sad songs, somehow I love listening to them. I love how personal these songs are and grateful that she is sharing these songs with everyone. Somehow that makes me feel held especially when I feel disappointed - or just plain sad - with some areas of my own life. We all have that, right? It's very important to focus on the positive sides but somehow it makes me feel human to recognize these gray areas of my life and just feel it. Somehow I learn something from it and sometimes I think of things on how to make it better - I try.

During my isolation period, I was aware to take that time to do some introspection. I know I have so many disappointments in life that I have let go of a long time ago but during this isolation period, I was thinking mostly of what I do for a living. I wonder if there are a lot of people there that I can share the same sentiments because I feel silly writing it down here. This part of my life is, for sure, take a little part and something that should not matter in my whole life (because your work should not be your life - or as they say "you are not your job" - or something like that...), but for someone who is always aspiring to be something in the professional realm, I have ambitions too and it makes me sad that I do not feel overall satisfied with where I am. I have the energy to create something great, to be part of something amazing, and when I look at where I am, I cannot see how I can give all of these there. I don't know how to explain it.

I am very careful with my mental space. I try not to get too overwhelmed with my realizations in that area of my life. Life is not indeed perfect and I am still grateful that I have families and a few friends to share the goodness of what life has to offer.