where is this sun you speak of?

One afternoon when no one was in our home but me, I decided to bum around the house just wearing an almost-transparent white sando and a grey mini short -- all cotton. My hair was messy for I only comb my hair every after shower. I watched tv like a boss. I didn't mind how I looked for no one was around and the only eyes that can see me were that of our three talking Mynah birds who alternatively whistles "witwew" also says "pangit pangit pangit" for no reason. Anyway, I was watching TV when suddenly you knocked on our green metal gate. Of course, I was annoyed for the show was exciting and I can't pause it. I needed to go outside to check who you are but I also needed to go upstairs to get a shirt and a normal short for I dressed like those girls in FHM (well, not really hahaha). But you knocked loudly so I decided to just go out and hide behind the gate just so you'd shut up and to get back to the program as quickly as possible. I was so embarrased b...

How I really am when I say I'm really sad? How am I? Really sad. Sad, really sad. I am really sad when I say I'm really sad. 

This is not really a do-it-yourself. It is more like a re-make of an old living room furniture. I was once a magazine addict. I always buy at least one mag per month. Those were the times when I cared so much about my favorite mainstream local artists. For years, all the magazines I bought were piled in one corner of the room. It looked so messy. Until my brother bought a magazine holder so our visitors could read something in the living room. Also, for the sake of having a cleaner area. It lasted only for a year. I stopped caring about those people so I stopped buying magazines (Good to know, right?) From then, nobody cared so much about the magazine holder. After 5 years, I decided to give away the magazines and leave some behind. Also, clean the magazine holder and add color to it. It stayed inside a large cabinet, dusty for years. The fabric is not in a good condition at all. So, I decided to wash and paint it. Adding colors to fabric is fun. I used Burnt Sienna for the o...

I am such a big fan of Diego Mapa's music: Eggboy and the dangerous band, Pedicab! When I heard that he is working on a new project, I got too excited because I knew I would love it!  Tarsius is Diego Mapa and Jay Gapasin (Radioactive sago project). Wala na akong ibang masabi, ang sarap lang talaga pakinggan. Nakakawala ng stress! Hahaha I asked some people to describe the band's music in three words: My favorites are Deathless Gods, E.S.P., Black Saturday, Whirling Dervish and Association Dues! Congratulations, Tarsius!! This is the earliest gift I've received for Christmas! Hahaha Thank you!!

It is a funny fact that even if I think I am strong enough to face a problem, I find myself going to a familiar dark path, eventually get lost and wait to be rescued. But it doesn't happen all the time -- usually when I encounter new things. When you feel sad, would you give into sadness or divert to other things? I usually give into sadness. Even if I wanted to go to the other side, I just can't seem to find peace when I know there's war going on somewhere in my heart. I admire people who have the ability to divert and erase whatever feeling they want to forget. If you're one of them, please teach me how. Do you also feel like, when you're really sad, you are indirectly placed in a familiar place in mind? You are crying in your room, trying to recall everything that happened and then eventually you are in a state where it seems like everything just hurts. You feel helpless and then you cry more. This time, loudly. Feels kind of weird sharing this person...

We often think our dreams are too wild that it is impossible to let it happen; that it is better off inside our head because it is too good to be true and because we think it is impossible in the first place, there's a chance we wouldn't reach that dream at all. It may seem kind of a blur at first but when you really work out on it, you will get what you have dreamed of. Sometimes it may not be what you wanted in the first place. It could be a new output or a different kind but when you know you've done enough and you're happy with what you've got, you know it is something to be proud of. The hardest part in life is working on what you really want because oftentimes the world gives us difficult challenges to get a prize, which is your dream. It just needs a little push, stretch and determination to get whatever you want.

There is unexplainable excitement whenever I talk to you. Especially because you say the things I least hear every day. We share stories and experiences; trying to let each other feel the emotions we had back in the days. There's fun when I'm with you. Do you feel the same way, too? Clueless, why I still talk to you. When I know we can never be in the same place. Though I hope one day in the future, it wouldn't really matter if you are not what you are today, I just want to see the person who I talk to almost every night. I want to know if you are real.