where is this sun you speak of?

For the past months, all I cared about writing is -- how sad my life is and how miserable I am. I even made a mixtape for lonely afternoons . Thinking about all of this is so depressing. Makes me want to cry for I can't write something happy. Self, how emotional can you get? I lack faith at some point. Faith to do everything I need to during times when I keep walking forward even though I don't know where I'm going. Seriously, self? Since when did you stop hoping for something bigger?

We all have big dreams.  For sure we want to be somebody someday. As for me, I want to be an engineer. That is the biggest dream so far. And I just realized, I am on my way there but not too soon. You see, I've been spending years in college and I never really can't see myself working as an engineer but I want it; I want to be an engineer someday. This one's a tough road for me but I'm never giving up. I can't tell if I am going to be very successful once I finish it but I know it is something to be proud of. Though I might be spending some years more but I really don't care. Because this is it. This is my life. My life doesn't start once I graduate though it may be a little different, and more challenging, I guess. What I hate about where I am is that people seem to look at me as a loser for not achieving anything. They start comparing me with other people and make me feel really bad about myself. Sure, they have lots of achievements to brag and th...

I just love listening to Why Do Fools Fall Out Of Love . It has that happy/sad tune and, well, it makes me happy and sad, too. Most of his songs are free to download over here.  Thank you for the music, Adam! :)

One afternoon, it was kind of melancholic; everything felt sad -- even my curtains made me sad. So, I decided to make something just to divert my emotion. I stumbled upon A Beautiful Mess blog and found DIY tea bags.  I could have sworn to drink it at night but as a tea addict, I indulged myself to a cup of tea that time of the day. It felt good. Plus, my little pink hand-made heart right on the side made me less lonely. So, guys, if you feel kind of sad -- like what they say -- keep calm and drink tea. :)

Back in grade 4 elementary, I received a letter from a friend that says nice things about me but the only thing I can remember from that letter were the words: I like you because you are cheerful . Her name is Gemma, by the way, and every time I see her, I remember that letter. And whenever I talk about it, she giggles. She's just a cute girl and cheerful, too! :) Yes, I'm a cheerful kid. The most cheerful kid back in the days. What happened? Just, what happened? Minutes ago, I went out after crying in my bed like crazy. And the girl in the bakeshop kept looking at me as I was looking at some cupcakes and other kinds of bread. I know she can tell I cried. At one point that time, I was hoping she will say some comforting words and say it's going to be alright but who cares, really? I went home eating a lot of sweet stuff. Still eating as I am typing this and a cup of sweet coffee. Sometimes all I need is food to make me happy again. Oh, why was I crying? Oh, you know...

Always been a scribbler ever since I started art class in elementary. Scribbling is my last resort when there's nothing to be done. Just like these past days, all I did was lay in bed, watch tv, browse some good stuff on the internet and scribbling. Though I'm not really good at it and my scribbles have always been bad, I still continue doing it because it gives me a feeling of being satisfied for some reason.  Eye glasses' shadow  One rainy evening and the Wi-Fi was being a bitch, I tried to draw my room though not that exactly.  This morning a very good friend, Dallah, and I had a small talk through my status (which says: spinispin, I know I put some pointless stuff people wouldn't understand at all haha) and every time I get by with her, I always remember one moment in high school, specifically second year. Actually, it says: "Lord, dili na mi manlibak" :p That was the most ridiculous high school memory I have. Despite the fac...

The moment when I turned 21 years old. Or, maybe days after. Few steps back from my 21st birthday, I decided to celebrate it in an unusual way since my brother and I share the same birthday (with years apart. I don't exactly know how many years, haha). We usually invite friends to come over and have a lot of food served for everyone ever since. But that ever since memory started maybe when he became an engineer. Sadly, I can't remember any birthday celebrations before that. But I'm sure my parents always had something to celebrate on our birthday. Fast forward to my 21st birthday -- I woke up in the morning when my brother, Ate Karen and Karsten opened my door and surprised me with a gift: a tumbler with six photos and a "Tita Debie" written on it. Also, Karsten sat on top of me and sang me the birthday song. Heh. Ate Karen asked me how many classmates am I inviting for dinner and I said something like: "None." But my brother insisted to invite so...