where is this sun you speak of?

This summer is different. I didn't get to have time for friends like usual. It was all about spending time with myself and making stuff that I never get to experience making before. For the record, I became a full-time indoors man. It was my choice to "stay in" for the whole summer. But as someone who usually spends summer outdoors, it was a brave and difficult choice. And I almost gave up. But every time I decided to stop, I always went through the reasons why I made that choice in the first place. I wanted to take a break for a while and do some reflection, and test myself if I can survive with doing just the regular home chores, doing some crafts, writing, reading, gardening and a lot more. The idea is simple but it excites me every time I think about the outcome. I feel like I am putting myself in a test wherein I get to know what I really am (when I am spending time outdoors or indoors). But I just realized now, at the end of summer, that it really isn't abo...

The older I get, the more I realize that I just need a few people to be with me in this lifetime. Few people includes: siblings and some friends. I realized that I don't want people to know what is happening to me every second of the day. Funny because I was the kind who tweets a lot (e.g. I'm about to, I'm going to, etc). Seems like I am not the kind who sticks with a certain hobby or action for a long time. I hated how I am back then and I am sorry if I annoyed you with my updates. Also, the older I get, the more I become sensitive in terms of giving trust to people. I had trust issues back then and I hated it so much including the people involved but I realized that those bad moments in my life molded me into a higher version of myself. The older I get, the more standards I put up for myself. It is kind of difficult though because it feels like I am overprotecting myself. The thing is, I don't want to be open anymore. Feels like I am always nice to people that I ...

I made a tote bag using an old white polo shirt. Painted it and added some accessories. It was pretty cool. I love it! :p

During the last days of my Mama, I was there with her in bed. I witnessed her last breath but I didn't cry. I was in bed laying beside her, holding her hand and whispered "I love you, Ma". Minutes later, I noticed a small water in her eyes. I knew she heard me. After that, I cried so much. That's when I realized I won't be able to hear her voice anymore. It's been 6 years... I miss you, Ma. :( 8 years since my Papa passed away. One morning, I went to the hospital to deliver some medicine. My brother was assigned to look after him. I got to the hospital and Papa was sleeping. There were machines attached to his body. It was my first time to visit him. My brother was outside taking a nap. I didn't bother waking my brother up. So I asked the nurse if I could go near Papa and she allowed me. I left his medicine in the table, I looked at him and whispered that I have to go home *bec I dont want him to hear/see me crying*. When I got home, I saw my Mama, ...

Washed clothes. Hand washed them because the machine is not working except for the dryer. Checked out my plants -- tomatoes, bell peppers, others. My plants are growing! Had breakfast with Ate Mila. Washed dishes. Made some hot cocoa. Played with Karsten while he was watching television. I was trying to get a nap but he slaps my arm and wakes me up everytime he sees something on television (e.g. flowers, fish, cow.) Worked on some Technical Description in my brother's office from 10 AM to 5 PM. Entertained two clients in my pajamas. I didn't even care what they'd think. 100 hoolahoops; 100 jumps using jumping rope; 3 rounds using the bicycle. Had dinner by myself. Took a shower. Now killing time until I fall asleep. Also, listening to oldies.  It was a productive, work-filled day. And it is summer. I want to go to the beach so bad. 

What a beauty.

Murmuration from Islands & Rivers on Vimeo . The magical thing I've ever seen aside from Aurora Borealis and Aurora Australis! When I was in high school (the time when I used to watch National Geographic almost every hour of every day), I told myself that I can't die without having witnessed Borealis and Australis or at least one of them! Last year, I think I added Murmuration on my things-to-witness-before-I-die list, which exists only in my head.  What a beautiful and magical world we have!

Fear is always there. I think the reason why I don't give in easily is fear. The fear to fail, to be laughed at, to be judged. Strangely, I fear being looked at by many people because I'm not comfortable at being in the limelight. Fear, obviously, hinders me from everything. I may have gotten used to it but there were times when I remember the feeling of it. I don't get why I fear people. I guess, I never want to be judged. If only I could exist without people minding/looking at me. My family is an exception because I trust them and I know them. I could count all the opportunities I could've grabbed before if only I didn't focused too much on my fears but it would make me sad. As much as possible, I want to forget my regrets. I have to remind myself constantly that I am not the only one with fears. It shouldn't hinder me from what I want and what to try. After all, no one is perfect. We all learn the things that capture us and in learning, we make mistakes -...

I made a mix for my sister and her husband. She has been asking me some songs that would be perfect for relaxation. So I decided to choose songs from 1940s and up. I'm not really sure of the exact years of each songs but I'm pretty sure they're oldies. Oldies but goodies. Here's the list: Aretha Franklin; Say A Little Prayer Julie London; Sway Ella Fitzgerald; Dream A Little Dream Of Me Doris Day; Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps Frankie Valli; Can't Take My Eyes Off You Elvis Presley; Love Me Tender Louis Armstrong; When You're Smiling Sidney Bechet; Si tu vois ma mere Click to download Enjoy! :)

For an indoors man, I sometimes enjoy drinking alone in my room.  Drink and be merry but drink moderately.

I was there eating breakfast with some people who talk as if I am not around. They finished their food at the same time and stood altogether as if I am not around. Why do some people treat me this way? I feel like a ghost. Am I dead yet? You think that the people who have caused you buckets of tears will never do the same after they've asked for forgiveness... you're wrong. You can't just tell me about how you and your father are fighting when you obviously know I lost mine years ago. Stop crying in front of me and act like such a brat. I am grieving inside more than you do. People invite you for dinner and then they make you feel like you don't belong. How rude is that? I have to remind myself to buy plant pots because I borrowed pots from them (because I know they wouldn't even put some plants on it. They're not that kind. They bought it for a party last month.). I wanted to plant some herbs but I couldn't find good pots so I have to borrow some. I...

Quatro Bente and from where I am, it was raining... perfect to chill out. Great bud, light rain, open windows.

Whenever I see you walking by, I stop and stare and write letters in my mind. At night when I go to bed, I dream of you and in my dreams, I take note about everything in it. When I wake up in the morning, I find myself smiling and falling in love over again. So I'm wondering if you get to read the letters I've written everyday, would your feelings be the same as mine?

Ingredients: Cooking oil Garlic, minced Onion, minced Pork, sliced in small pieces Chorizo Macau, sliced in small pieces Soy sauce Salt and pepper / Magic Sarap food seasoning Carrot, sliced into strips Cabbage, sliced into strips Pancit Canton Noodles Procedure: 1. Sautee in oil the garlic and onions. 2. Add pork, chorizo macau and soy sauce until cooked. 3. Add pancit canton. Let simmer until noodles are soft. 4. Add carrot and cabbage until cooked. 5. Add salt and pepper or Magic Sarap food seasoning. 6. Serve hot.

I am the kind of girl who forgets someone easily especially when I'm introduced to a person and that person hasn't always been there afterwards. And when I get to meet them after months or years, I couldn't remember them at all. Someone (or they) should explain how we were introduced, when and where. I feel bad about this. There are also times when I thought I knew a certain person but I can't recall being introduced to them. Something inside me tells that I've met this guy/girl somewhere but I can't trace anything. Even my friends don't know them. It's crazy how they look so familiar but then I couldn't just figure out how is that possible. When something like this happens, I just tell myself that maybe I've seen them in my dreams. :p

My nephew, Karsten, turned two years old last April 11! I got to design the balloons and other stuff. It was fun decorating balloons :p Karsten with his balloons! :) Angry Birds-themed cake! Barney showed up. Karsten cried. The other kids enjoyed. Hahaha "What's the magic word?" "Happy birthday, Karsten!!!" :p